I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
