My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
