On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
