two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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