I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize