Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
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