If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
