I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
