so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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