Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
