she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
