I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
