great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
