Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
