we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
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