either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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