I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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