After last night, I could never be a politician.
Non-Jews are for practice
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
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