I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize