i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
