those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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