They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize