Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
