then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
