I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
