Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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