there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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