The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I'm at about main and main street
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
