Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Randomize
