Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
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