She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
