Apparently you make a good broom.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize