Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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