Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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