K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Randomize
