It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
why didn't you poke me back
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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