I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
