If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
