I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
