opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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