So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
