You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
