just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
