she woke up with a sticky ear
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
