I just pynch a tree in the face
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
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