I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Alive.
So much puke
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
