she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
