Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
15 Porn Memes You’re Only Allowed To Laugh At If You’re Over 18
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.