I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.