WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Dick very happy bro
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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