Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
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