If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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