I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Randomize
