Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
