you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
