who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
being pregnant is like rehab
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
