Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
