So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
We are two peas in an std pod
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
