Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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