how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
