is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize