Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
