Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
