I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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